Week 44: Why I was back at the Department of Motor Vehicles

Yes, this week I had to go back to the lovely DMV.  I hate that place and I’m sure everyone else hates it, too!  There’s always some problem.  A machine doesn’t work, or things are suddenly costing more than they should.  It’s always some kind of struggle.  If I wanted to keep legally driving though, I had to go back.  My driver’s license expires on my birthday of this year, November 26, 2017.  I need to drive to work, and work to pay bills, so I need a new license. 

I was worried about the eye test.  I’m getting older now and my eyes aren’t the best.  But I went to the eye doctor and have new glasses.  There should be no problem with the eye test.  I checked online and found things that looked like this:

That should be no problem.  I can see well enough to read letters and things. The legal requirement is supposed to be something like 20/40 vision in one eye.  At least that’s what I think it is.  Who really knows, though? 

I wanted to get there nice and early and so maybe I wouldn’t have to wait hours for my turn.  So I got there about ten minutes before it opened at 7:50am.  There was a huge line out front.  I can wait in a line, I had planned on that anyway.  Now there’s also the problem of “real ID”.  Supposedly you won’t be able to fly anywhere by the year 2020, or 2021 if you don’t have a “real ID”.  Your driver’s license can be a real ID as long as you have the proper documents.  And so I collected all the things I should need.

I get up to the first desk pretty quickly to tell the lady what I’m there for.  Things moved pretty fast once the place opened.  I tell her I need to renew my driver’s…”FILL THIS OUT!  WHAT’S YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER? WAIT TO BE CALLED!

What the hell?  My cell phone number?  I ask the lady if she’s going to give me a number so I know when I’m being called.  She grunts that the last four digits of my cell phone number are what they’ll call.  Well damn, now how am I going to know how many people are in front of me?  I sit down in front of a board showing who’s next and try to fill out my form.  Before I even get halfway finished with the form, my cell phone number comes up on the board.  I hustle over to the window listed and find this old, troll lady scowling at me. 

I tell her I’m not finished with my form yet and she starts growling instructions for me to finish it!  I tell her I need the “real ID” and I have my documents and she demands my birth certificate.  I pass over the certified copy and she growls back, “WE DON’T ACCEPT COPIES!  WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?”  I tell her I got it from my mother.  That’s been good for almost 51 years, but the troll isn’t having any of that.  She denies me a “real ID”.  I’m in no mood to fight, so I just ask for my driver’s license to be renewed.

I ask what documents I need for the renewal and the troll just grunts at me and types on her computer.  She then demands I pull this electronic thing over and look into it and read the first box.  I pull the thing over and look inside.  I can see the box, but everything inside it is a mushy blur!  What the hell?  I can’t see anything!  I can barely make out some speed limit signs on the bottom, but I can’t make out any letters!  My vision is bad, but not so bad I would fail an eye test!

Now I’m starting to panic.  If I fail the eye test, I don’t get a driver’s license.  I need my license!  First, no “real ID”, now the troll may fail my eye test!  For some reason I shifted my head a bit and then things came a bit into focus.  They’re not normal letters though, it’s a bunch of numbers.  It’s like some magical, mystical, 3-D puzzle that you have to unravel and look at from the correct angle, or you don’t get your license.  FINALLY though, I can at least make out the numbers.  It really didn’t seem like a fair eye test to me.  Now the troll does a bit more typing and then demands payment.  I ask if my debit card is ok and the troll growls back “WE RUN EVERYTHING AS A CREDIT CARD!”  A simple “yes” would have been nice.

I had brought my DD-214 along (A copy really, that’s my military discharge form) so that they can print “Veteran” on my license.  For a few minutes I thought the troll was going to tell me that wasn’t enough proof of my being a veteran!  She tells me I can’t have my documents back until after my photo is taken, and then gives me back my documents anyway.  I’m told to go “over there” for my photo.  I wander “over there” in the direction the troll had pointed.

I found a line with people waiting for their photos to be taken and was waiting my turn.  There was only two people in front of me, but the line wasn’t moving at all.  I looked around the place at the other trolls, or employees, or whatever they are working there.  No one looked the slightest bit happy.  They were all scowling and seemed to hate people.  How lovely for them to work with people all day. 

Finally my turn does come and the guy takes my photo and uses some machine to punch the word “VOID” into my current license.  I’m not sure I like that.  Now I have a slip of paper until they get around to mailing me my new license in “seven to ten working days”.

While I had been doing all this, my cell phone was going off left and right.  Someone was texting me.  I’m thinking, “Leave me alone, I’m trying to get this done!”  I didn’t bother to look until later.  When I finally checked my messages, they were all from the DMV. 

The first message said there were four people ahead of me.  Then a message that said I should only be waiting one more minute.  Then a text to go to window 6.  And finally a text telling me they had given my spot in line to someone else.  If I was being helped at window six, how did they give my spot away?  The DMV doesn’t even know what they’re doing!

On the good side, that’s been taken care of.  The new driver’s license should be good until 2025.  They can stick the “real ID” thing where the sun doesn’t shine.  I’m not going back for one of those. 

In other news for me this week, I used a Cupcake ATM.

This was actually pretty neat!  I chose what flavor I wanted, used my debit card to pay $4.50, and the ATM gave me the cupcake!  I haven’t tried it yet, but it looks delicious!  I’ll try and upload the video of me using the ATM to my Facebook page if anyone is curious.

So until next week, keep asking why there aren’t more cupcake ATMs!  And keep asking why about everything.

Week 20: Why the DMV?

This week I had to register my car.  That means a lovely trip to the DMV, or Department of Motor Vehicles.  I don’t think anyone ever wants to go there.  It’s one of those places you just don’t want to be, and yet if you have to go, you end up there waiting for hours sometimes. 

         My car registration isn’t really due until June 1, but why wait?  If something comes up next weekend and I’m not able to make it to the DMV, then I would end up driving with expired license plates and that’s not good.  I support the police, but really don’t want to be pulled over by an officer because of expired plates.

Before I can go and register my car I need to have it “smogged”.  That means I have to take it somewhere and have someone check the emissions and make sure everything is in order.  That’s not so bad.  I went to the same place I always go that is just around the corner from where  I live.  A very nice Asian guy checked my emissions and once my car passed, gave me a nice certificate that says the car passed.  That cost me $20.  Yes, I could have found a coupon somewhere, but I was angry enough about what I was going to have to pay at the DMV and didn’t care about a couple more dollars.

So what was I going to have to pay?  Well my car registration fee was $33.  Sounds low, right?  Very nice!  Ah, but wait!  The government isn’t finished with me and my car after the $33.  I see a few more charges added to my total:

$114 Government SVCS tax.

What the hell is that?  Is that a “service” tax?  What damned service is the government doing for me besides trying to take all my money and give it to some millionaire politician?  And it doesn’t end there!

$28 SUPL Government SVCS tax.

So not only do I have to pay a service tax for the government, I also have to pay a supplemental service tax?  Is that what SUPL means?  So I’m being taxed for “service” if that’s even what SVCS means, and then I’m being taxed again for it?  What the hell kind of bullshit is this?  And no, that’s not the end either!

$1 Technology fee VR.

Technology fee?  Why am I paying a technology fee, let alone for VR?  Especially if VR stands for Virtual Reality!  That’s the only VR I know!  What virtual reality am I being allowed to use for this registration?  I don’t even know what this means?  Actually I guess altogether this means I owe the state $176 to drive my car for another year.  You’d think it’s over there, wouldn’t you?  But no, it isn’t.

After my pleasant “smogging” experience, I drive over to the lovely DMV.  There is nowhere to park.  The entire lot in front of the DMV is not only full, there are still other cars driving around looking for somewhere to park, but there are no empty spots!  How the hell am I supposed to register my car if I can’t even park?

I’ll pause here and address the people who asked me “Why didn’t you just do this online or through the mail?”  Because I don’t want my new tags mailed to me and lost by the post office!  I want them in my hand if I’m going to pay $176 for them!  (That’s not my final total though, as you’ll see!)

I have to park across the street and cross at a stoplight at a very busy intersection.  I hate having to walk across a street like that!  But if I go in and use one of the machines, I can get this over with quickly.

There are DMV machines other places, but I want to use one where if I want to complain about something, I have people right there to complain to.  I get to the DMV entrance and there is a line out the door.  I’m really glad I’m using a machine and don’t have to get in the line out the door!  If I did want to complain now, I would have to wait in the long line, so unless the machine takes a finger off or something, I won’t complain.

Once I walk inside I realize the DMV doesn’t feel the need to use any air conditioning.  The place is jammed with people, too!  And not just people, unhappy, smelly, people.  It’s hot and stinks.  No one seems to be happy in there.  There is a short line for the DMV machines, but I only have two guys in front of me.  I wait patiently and finally it’s my turn.  I scan my card with all my “charges” on it and the machine now tells me that for the privilege of using the machine, I have to pay $3 more.  So now that I’m being charged a “Technology fee” let’s just pile on more charges for using the technology!

I just want the hell out of there, so I push the “agree” button.  It now asks if I qualify for a “benefit”.  Am I legally blind?  Um…why are they allowing blind people to register vehicles.  The screen on the machine I’m using isn’t in braille, so how would a legally blind person even know to select that?  How stupid is that?  Anyway, moving on…

I’m not blind, or whatever the second thing was, I was just trying to get through this and don’t remember what the second selection was.  The third selection says “Veteran”.  I am a military veteran.  I should push that button!  I’ll get a veteran’s discount!  Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel!  I hesitate, though.  What proof are they going to want that I’m a veteran?  I know the machine isn’t going to just let me push the button and then give me a discount without proof.  Maybe it will tell me to stand in the line out the door?  Maybe I had to have registered with the DMV as a veteran before coming?  I don’t know.  There are other people waiting to use the machine and they want me to finish up and go away!  I want to finish up and go away!  So I passed on the veteran’s discount.  I don’t think that was really fair, though. 

Now the machine confirms that I want to pay $179 to register my car.  There was that split second of “Screw this, I’ll just ride the bus!”  But I know better than that.  I’m not going to ride a bus.  So I shoved my debit card into the machine and paid the $179.  Luckily my registration and license plate tag came out of the machine and I didn’t have to wait in line to complain. 

I hate the DMV.  Why?  Well, I just explained some of why.  At least that’s done for another year.  Until next week, keep asking why.