Week 20: Why the DMV?

This week I had to register my car.  That means a lovely trip to the DMV, or Department of Motor Vehicles.  I don’t think anyone ever wants to go there.  It’s one of those places you just don’t want to be, and yet if you have to go, you end up there waiting for hours sometimes. 

         My car registration isn’t really due until June 1, but why wait?  If something comes up next weekend and I’m not able to make it to the DMV, then I would end up driving with expired license plates and that’s not good.  I support the police, but really don’t want to be pulled over by an officer because of expired plates.

Before I can go and register my car I need to have it “smogged”.  That means I have to take it somewhere and have someone check the emissions and make sure everything is in order.  That’s not so bad.  I went to the same place I always go that is just around the corner from where  I live.  A very nice Asian guy checked my emissions and once my car passed, gave me a nice certificate that says the car passed.  That cost me $20.  Yes, I could have found a coupon somewhere, but I was angry enough about what I was going to have to pay at the DMV and didn’t care about a couple more dollars.

So what was I going to have to pay?  Well my car registration fee was $33.  Sounds low, right?  Very nice!  Ah, but wait!  The government isn’t finished with me and my car after the $33.  I see a few more charges added to my total:

$114 Government SVCS tax.

What the hell is that?  Is that a “service” tax?  What damned service is the government doing for me besides trying to take all my money and give it to some millionaire politician?  And it doesn’t end there!

$28 SUPL Government SVCS tax.

So not only do I have to pay a service tax for the government, I also have to pay a supplemental service tax?  Is that what SUPL means?  So I’m being taxed for “service” if that’s even what SVCS means, and then I’m being taxed again for it?  What the hell kind of bullshit is this?  And no, that’s not the end either!

$1 Technology fee VR.

Technology fee?  Why am I paying a technology fee, let alone for VR?  Especially if VR stands for Virtual Reality!  That’s the only VR I know!  What virtual reality am I being allowed to use for this registration?  I don’t even know what this means?  Actually I guess altogether this means I owe the state $176 to drive my car for another year.  You’d think it’s over there, wouldn’t you?  But no, it isn’t.

After my pleasant “smogging” experience, I drive over to the lovely DMV.  There is nowhere to park.  The entire lot in front of the DMV is not only full, there are still other cars driving around looking for somewhere to park, but there are no empty spots!  How the hell am I supposed to register my car if I can’t even park?

I’ll pause here and address the people who asked me “Why didn’t you just do this online or through the mail?”  Because I don’t want my new tags mailed to me and lost by the post office!  I want them in my hand if I’m going to pay $176 for them!  (That’s not my final total though, as you’ll see!)

I have to park across the street and cross at a stoplight at a very busy intersection.  I hate having to walk across a street like that!  But if I go in and use one of the machines, I can get this over with quickly.

There are DMV machines other places, but I want to use one where if I want to complain about something, I have people right there to complain to.  I get to the DMV entrance and there is a line out the door.  I’m really glad I’m using a machine and don’t have to get in the line out the door!  If I did want to complain now, I would have to wait in the long line, so unless the machine takes a finger off or something, I won’t complain.

Once I walk inside I realize the DMV doesn’t feel the need to use any air conditioning.  The place is jammed with people, too!  And not just people, unhappy, smelly, people.  It’s hot and stinks.  No one seems to be happy in there.  There is a short line for the DMV machines, but I only have two guys in front of me.  I wait patiently and finally it’s my turn.  I scan my card with all my “charges” on it and the machine now tells me that for the privilege of using the machine, I have to pay $3 more.  So now that I’m being charged a “Technology fee” let’s just pile on more charges for using the technology!

I just want the hell out of there, so I push the “agree” button.  It now asks if I qualify for a “benefit”.  Am I legally blind?  Um…why are they allowing blind people to register vehicles.  The screen on the machine I’m using isn’t in braille, so how would a legally blind person even know to select that?  How stupid is that?  Anyway, moving on…

I’m not blind, or whatever the second thing was, I was just trying to get through this and don’t remember what the second selection was.  The third selection says “Veteran”.  I am a military veteran.  I should push that button!  I’ll get a veteran’s discount!  Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel!  I hesitate, though.  What proof are they going to want that I’m a veteran?  I know the machine isn’t going to just let me push the button and then give me a discount without proof.  Maybe it will tell me to stand in the line out the door?  Maybe I had to have registered with the DMV as a veteran before coming?  I don’t know.  There are other people waiting to use the machine and they want me to finish up and go away!  I want to finish up and go away!  So I passed on the veteran’s discount.  I don’t think that was really fair, though. 

Now the machine confirms that I want to pay $179 to register my car.  There was that split second of “Screw this, I’ll just ride the bus!”  But I know better than that.  I’m not going to ride a bus.  So I shoved my debit card into the machine and paid the $179.  Luckily my registration and license plate tag came out of the machine and I didn’t have to wait in line to complain. 

I hate the DMV.  Why?  Well, I just explained some of why.  At least that’s done for another year.  Until next week, keep asking why.