Yes, this week I
had to go back to the lovely DMV. I hate
that place and I’m sure everyone else hates it, too! There’s always some problem. A machine doesn’t work, or things are
suddenly costing more than they should.
It’s always some kind of struggle.
If I wanted to keep legally driving though, I had to go back. My driver’s license expires on my birthday of
this year, November 26, 2017. I need to
drive to work, and work to pay bills, so I need a new license.
I was worried about
the eye test. I’m getting older now and
my eyes aren’t the best. But I went to
the eye doctor and have new glasses.
There should be no problem with the eye test. I checked online and found things that looked
like this:
That should be no
problem. I can see well enough to read
letters and things. The legal requirement is supposed to be something like
20/40 vision in one eye. At least that’s
what I think it is. Who really knows,
though?
I wanted to get
there nice and early and so maybe I wouldn’t have to wait hours for my
turn. So I got there about ten minutes
before it opened at 7:50am. There was a
huge line out front. I can wait in a
line, I had planned on that anyway. Now
there’s also the problem of “real ID”.
Supposedly you won’t be able to fly anywhere by the year 2020, or 2021
if you don’t have a “real ID”. Your
driver’s license can be a real ID as long as you have the proper documents. And so I collected all the things I should
need.
I get up to the
first desk pretty quickly to tell the lady what I’m there for. Things moved pretty fast once the place
opened. I tell her I need to renew my
driver’s…”FILL THIS OUT! WHAT’S YOUR
CELL PHONE NUMBER? WAIT TO BE CALLED!
What the hell? My cell phone number? I ask the lady if she’s going to give me a
number so I know when I’m being called.
She grunts that the last four digits of my cell phone number are what
they’ll call. Well damn, now how am I
going to know how many people are in front of me? I sit down in front of a board showing who’s
next and try to fill out my form. Before
I even get halfway finished with the form, my cell phone number comes up on the
board. I hustle over to the window
listed and find this old, troll lady scowling at me.
I tell her I’m not
finished with my form yet and she starts growling instructions for me to finish
it! I tell her I need the “real ID” and
I have my documents and she demands my birth certificate. I pass over the certified copy and she growls
back, “WE DON’T ACCEPT COPIES! WHERE DID
YOU GET THIS?” I tell her I got it from
my mother. That’s been good for almost
51 years, but the troll isn’t having any of that. She denies me a “real ID”. I’m in no mood to fight, so I just ask for my
driver’s license to be renewed.
I ask what
documents I need for the renewal and the troll just grunts at me and types on
her computer. She then demands I pull
this electronic thing over and look into it and read the first box. I pull the thing over and look inside. I can see the box, but everything inside it
is a mushy blur! What the hell? I can’t see anything! I can barely make out some speed limit signs
on the bottom, but I can’t make out any letters! My vision is bad, but not so bad I would fail
an eye test!
Now I’m starting to
panic. If I fail the eye test, I don’t
get a driver’s license. I need my
license! First, no “real ID”, now the troll
may fail my eye test! For some reason I
shifted my head a bit and then things came a bit into focus. They’re not normal letters though, it’s a
bunch of numbers. It’s like some
magical, mystical, 3-D puzzle that you have to unravel and look at from the correct angle, or you don’t get your
license. FINALLY though, I can at least
make out the numbers. It really didn’t
seem like a fair eye test to me. Now the
troll does a bit more typing and then demands payment. I ask if my debit card is ok and the troll
growls back “WE RUN EVERYTHING AS A CREDIT CARD!” A simple “yes” would have been nice.
I had brought my
DD-214 along (A copy really, that’s my military discharge form) so that they
can print “Veteran” on my license. For a
few minutes I thought the troll was going to tell me that wasn’t enough proof
of my being a veteran! She tells me I
can’t have my documents back until after my photo is taken, and then gives me
back my documents anyway. I’m told to go “over
there” for my photo. I wander “over
there” in the direction the troll had pointed.
I found a line with
people waiting for their photos to be taken and was waiting my turn. There was only two people in front of me, but
the line wasn’t moving at all. I looked
around the place at the other trolls, or employees, or whatever they are
working there. No one looked the
slightest bit happy. They were all
scowling and seemed to hate people. How
lovely for them to work with people all day.
Finally my turn
does come and the guy takes my photo and uses some machine to punch the word “VOID”
into my current license. I’m not sure I
like that. Now I have a slip of paper
until they get around to mailing me my new license in “seven to ten working
days”.
While I had been
doing all this, my cell phone was going off left and right. Someone was texting me. I’m thinking, “Leave me alone, I’m trying to
get this done!” I didn’t bother to look
until later. When I finally checked my
messages, they were all from the DMV.
The first message
said there were four people ahead of me.
Then a message that said I should only be waiting one more minute. Then a text to go to window 6. And finally a text telling me they had given
my spot in line to someone else. If I was
being helped at window six, how did they give my spot away? The DMV doesn’t even know what they’re doing!
On the good side,
that’s been taken care of. The new
driver’s license should be good until 2025.
They can stick the “real ID” thing where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m not going back for one of those.
In other news for
me this week, I used a Cupcake ATM.
This was actually
pretty neat! I chose what flavor I
wanted, used my debit card to pay $4.50, and the ATM gave me the cupcake! I haven’t tried it yet, but it looks
delicious! I’ll try and upload the video
of me using the ATM to my Facebook page if anyone is curious.
So until next week,
keep asking why there aren’t more cupcake ATMs!
And keep asking why about everything.
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