Week 16: Why I didn't get a unicorn?

Why didn't I get a unicorn?  I had planned on trying to get one, but apparently they’re all gone now.  I don’t mean one of those woodsy creatures that looks like a white horse with a horn growing out of it’s head.

I’m talking about the new drink from Starbuck’s.  Well the new and now old drink from Starbuck’s.  It’s gone and no one can get one anymore as far as I know.  I did call and ask.  What sounded like some kid answered the phone, talked so quickly I almost couldn’t understand him, and then after I asked about the Unicorn Frappuccino told me everywhere in town was now out of ingredients to make it.  Damn.

To tell the truth that was probably some of the best news I’ll get this year as one of those would probably make me throw up.  Are they really that bad you might ask?  Well, they’re full of enough sugar to probably kill a rhino.  A 16 ounce Unicorn Frappuccino has 410 calories and 59 grams of sugar.  And yes, they have larger sizes!  Or at least they HAD larger sizes.  No more ingredients, remember?

The 16 ounce is way more than three times the maximum recommended sugar for an adult woman.  I’m not a woman, but I’m sure it’s got more sugar than is recommended for any man, too.  But let’s forget all that.  I’m not a huge Starbuck’s fan.  I was going to get the drink to taste it.  I was also going to get it because the Starbuck’s barristers hate making the damned thing and I wanted to get something that people hated making!  MAKE IT FOR ME NOW!

There’s this kid, he posted a video saying he’s really “stressed” because people keep ordering the Unicorn Frappuccino and he doesn’t like making them!  He’s so stressed because he works somewhere that serves frappuccinos and it’s just too stressful for him to make them! Oh boo hoo hoo!

I’d like to go to where ever this kid works and hit him with a stick while he makes my Unicorn!  Welcome to the real world, punk!  MAKE THE DRINK!  You’re unhappy because you don’t like making Frappuccinos?  Then why did you apply to work at a Starbuck’s?  There are people in the world with coal dust in their hair and on their noses who do REAL work and he's upset about making frappuccinos?

I personally believe there is an ulterior motive behind this nasty, sugar-bomb of a drink.  I think it’s to make people forget that the Starbuck’s CEO (Howard Shultz) announced he wanted to hire 10,000 refugees.  Now I won’t start ranting about politics here because I don’t do that.  But it seems to me that when his dumb idea became unpopular he pointed off into the distance and yelled, “Look, a unicorn!”  How easily distracted people are.

I’d still like to hit the barista kid with a stick and make him make me a drink.  Since there are no more Unicorn Frappuccions though, I guess I won’t get my chance to do that.  Besides, I don’t even know where he actually works. 

And that’s why I didn’t get a Unicorn this week.  Not the healthiest thing, or the healthiest attitude from me for wanting one.  I’m going to go off now and figure out what I want to ask why about for next week.

Keep asking questions.