Week 43: Why I was part of both old, and New Vegas this week.

I live in Las Vegas.  Actually, I live in a place called Henderson, Nevada, but it might as well be Las Vegas.  I work in a Las Vegas hotel/casino and have been here now for over 20 years.  This week I got to be a part of both old, and new Las Vegas.  Let’s start with the new:

In modern Las Vegas you have to pay the state of Nevada to work in a casino.  Yes, you have to pay them.  It’s called a “Sheriff’s Card” or gaming/non-gaming card, or whatever else you’d like to call it.  It’s basically permission to work for five more years in a casino.  It’s also a pretty big money grab for the state of Nevada.  I HATE when my card is due!  My current “card” (I’m being generous calling it a card because they don’t even issue you an actual card anymore!) is due in December, but since I’ve been notified, I might as well get working on it now.

Back when I first moved to Nevada there was only one place you could get your Sheriff’s card.  That would be the Sheriff’s office.  And since everyone in town needed a card, you would get to the Sheriff’s office bright and early and wait in a four to five hour line to get fingerprinted, background checked, and finally you would get your card.  They did issue actual cards back then.  Today, it’s much different.

Today, I just had to go to an office where I worked, log on to a computer, assure the computer that I hadn’t been arrested, or have any child support, or any felonies, or whatever, and then use my debit card to pay $75.  Actually, they charged me $0.50 to use my card, so my total was $75.50.  I’m still not finished with all of that.  I still have to find some place to fingerprint me.  My finger prints are already on file, but I still have to have it done again every five years.  I’ll also have to pay for that, too.  Sheesh, it’s expensive to work!  But at least I wasn’t waiting in line for four hours this time!

Moving forward, let’s forget about the Sheriff’s card for a moment.  This weekend I was invited to the Neon Boneyard Park.  Usually they charge to see old Las Vegas neon signs, but for today it was free!  And it was quite a trip into the past!

Before entering the Boneyard place, I found a truck serving some food.  It was called “StripChezze”.  I don’t know what they were serving, but I loved the name!  *chuckle*

Getting inside the boneyard we began to see old, retired Las Vegas neon signs from Las Vegas past.  Those were the glory days of this town!  I found the La Concha sign.  I think this was way before my time and don’t know where this hotel was, but it looks so fabulous in old photos!

The Yucca, Las Vegas.  What was this place like?  Wow!

I remember driving by the Silver Slipper when I was a really young kid while we were passing through Las Vegas on vacation.  I don’t think we ever went in there, but I loved the neon shoe!

These signs reigned back when the hotels had “color TV” and gift shops would promise “Tender Sympathy” and "free aspirin" for a hangover.  *chuckle*

My last photo is of a giant neon duck.  I don’t know where this came from, but I loved it!  I guess I could have asked someone, but it was more fun for me to just have a photo of the duck without really knowing anything about it.  Feel free to comment if you have any idea what this neon duck is really from.

So there you have it.  This week I was part of modern Las Vegas paying for my new work card, and I also experienced some of Las Vegas’ past.  I’m sure I could have wandered around and asked everyone why there, but it was more fun just to think about those bygone days when those old places were still open.

So until next week, keep asking why.  And get out and experience part of where ever you’re at.  Fun things lurk everywhere, sometimes you just have to find them.  So do something fun, and then ask why!

Week 42: Why I paid out the eyes.

Maybe the title of this blog should be Why I paid out the ass?  Eyes seemed more suitable, though.  For this week my little chore was to go and see an optician.  I can still see ok, but I need to renew my driver’s license soon and I’m sure that will be a whole blog and a half by itself.  But before I head to the Department of Motor Vehicles, I wanted to make sure I could easily pass the eye exam part.  You never know, right?

I had a nice appointment in the afternoon for the optician.  I’m not afraid of the eye doctor, but I hate going to them for two reasons:  Firstly they always do this test where they blow a puff of air into each eye one by one and I absolutely HATE that!  It hurts!  Yes, I’m being a big baby about this, but usually when they do it I get all pissed off and then whatever they’re looking for gets worse and they want to do the test again and again!  Maybe things will look better after a few more shots?  I just get angrier and angrier and the test results look worse and worse, whatever they’re testing!

Secondly I hate going because it ends up costing me a damned fortune!  Even with insurance these guys are outrageous!  Well let me correct that, the optician visit was only $10.  The new glasses and frames are what cost a fortune!  And they never have the frames you want!

My last visit was only a year ago, so they remembered me.  I’m not sure if I was that much trouble, or that nice about things, but they did remember me.  Especially when the eye air puff thing test started.  I don’t think she wanted to screw around with me much for this visit, so she just did each eye once and then said that was fine. 

Then I get to see the actual optician.  She’s very nice and wants to dilate my eyes.  No dice there, I don’t want my eyes dilated.  She’d like to take some photos of my eyes.  I don’t want photos taken either!  I just want to see if my eyes have changed and are bad enough that I won’t pass an eye test for my driver’s license!

She checks me over and then tells me that my eyes are a quarter better again.  A quarter of what, I don’t know.  What’s going on is that I’m extremely nearsighted.  And now that I’m getting older, my eyes have decided they want to be a bit farsighted.  This just corrects my nearsightedness!  So if I live to be about 80, maybe I’ll have 20/20 vision without glasses!  What a pain in the ass! 

So after what was a quick and painless appointment with the optician, I now get to deal with the people in the outer office.  They are expensive.  VERY expensive!  I take the prescription the optician has given me and give it to this very nice girl.  I also tell her I want the same exact frames I have now.  I like the frames I’m wearing, so why not get the same thing, right?  She types everything into a computer and then tells me the insurance won’t pay for the frames.  I’m not surprised, they barely paid for anything last year!  They apparently only want to pay for frames once every two years.  They’ll pay for an optician visit once a year, but not for frames.  Insurance companies really suck at the moment.  When they do pay, I think it's only about $20, or some shitty amount like that.

I want new glasses, though.  It doesn’t make sense to go to the optician and then not get new glasses.  So I just pay the $265.  Yes, that’s how much it cost me for my new glasses.  They should be ready in 7 to 10 business days.  F&%$K!  So I don’t get my expensive new glasses for about two weeks or so.  How lovely, huh?

Is that the end?  Of course not!  I find a message on my phone shortly after leaving the optician’s place telling me that the frames I want are no longer available.  That’s just fantastic.  What the hell?  I called back and the clerk tells me they “manufacturer”  had a few other frames that were supposedly pretty much the same.  I wonder how “pretty much”?  I have to choose between the colors of gun metal, or gold.  I chose gun metal.  Maybe I should have chosen gold?  I certainly paid enough for gold glasses!

I’d like to think I’ll have my glasses by the next blog, but who really knows?  So why did I pay through the eyes this week?  All so I will hopefully be able to get a new driver’s license!  Until next week, keep asking why.  Then thank God every night if you don’t have to wear glasses!  You’re saving a lot of money if you can see well!

Week 41: Why you don't give young girls digital controls.

I figured I’d be a nice guy.  I thought I would be a thoughtful uncle and buy my niece a present.  She likes the electronic world just like I do.  She studies hard and is in her second year of law school.  I figured she’s always studying and so why not give her something frivolous?  Maybe a new electronic toy for her to figure out when she’s not studying?  Sure, why not?  We’ll get to the why not shortly.

I bought my niece an Echo Dot.  I figured she can play music with it, ask it questions, and maybe have some fun every so often.  I really enjoy my Echo Dot.  So I ordered one from Amazon and surprised her with it.  And then the world changed.

Now a while ago I bought myself a lightbulb that works with my Echo Dot.  I can use the Dot to change the lightbulb’s colors and turn the light off and on.  I’m pretty entertained by it.  My niece has now figured out how to change my lightbulb’s colors and turn it off and on.  That’s not a good thing.

So after visiting with her and giving her the wonderful gift of the Dot, I got home and was just starting to relax and watch television when my light turns red.  Now the whole room is red.  I knew I shouldn’t have let her know she could do this.  Before I can text her, the light turns green.  Now she texts me and asks if the light is changing.  YES IT’S CHANGING, BUT I’M TRYING TO WATCH TV!  Now the messages begin to come in.  The Echo Dot says I have a message.  It’s from my niece asking if the light has changed. *sigh*  I get several more messages.  Wow.

So now she’s learned how to message me, and change my light color.  The next day I went to get some groceries and turned on my light before leaving.  I return and it’s turned off.  I turn it back on and now it’s yellow.  Oy.  And then comes another lovely surprise:  My niece has learned how to “drop in” with the Dot.  That means she can just open up my Dot and hear what’s going on on my side and talk to me like it’s an intercom.  I trust her not to be doing this all the time, but damn!  On the good side when she does that the Dot makes a sound and shows a green color so I know what’s going on.  And she does at least text me to tell me she’s “dropping in”. 

Meanwhile, I’m still asking my Dot what the weather is like, and maybe listening to the news.  My niece has turned her Dot into an arm of the CIA.  I have no doubt she’ll be using it to take over the world soon! 

I’m honestly thrilled that she likes my gift, but it’s hard to watch a movie when the lights keep changing from red, to green, to blue.  Hopefully she’ll be busy with classwork and won’t have too much time for this. 

So why don’t you give young girls digital controls?  Because they’ll keep changing your light colors and start to control everything!  Until next week, keep asking why.

Week 40: Why I peed in a cup

If you read my blog, you’ll know I went to the doctor last week.  After seeing him I was able to get some blood pressure medication.  I’ve felt much better since taking that.  He also wanted me to give both a blood and urine sample.  I remember back when they would just take that stuff at the doctor’s office instead of giving you instructions to go and do it yourself somewhere.  The nurse did tell me I could go to some lab at the office and take care of it, but I was tired so I just went home.

I didn’t want to forget the test samples my doctor asked for.  And so I looked up the closest Quest Diagnostics for this week.  There are these Quest places all over Las Vegas.  They test everybody.  You go to them for drug tests for jobs as well as I guess tests from doctors.  I went to a Quest Diagnostics over three years ago for my drug test for my current job.  That wasn’t a “pee in the bottle” test though, it was a hair test.  The girl just cut off some of my hair to be tested.  Things wouldn't be that easy this week.

I decided to make an appointment at a nearby Quest Diagnostics because everything is easier if you have an appointment, right?  Maybe?  Hopefully?  I was hoping I would get to the place a bit early and they would slide me right in.  All I needed to do was give a little blood and urine.  But of course things can’t be that easy, not in the medical world.

After finding the Quest where my appointment was made, I had to sign in and give my paperwork and insurance card to the lady there.  Will they be charging me?  Nobody knows.  Maybe they’ll bill me, maybe they won’t.  That’s a bit disconcerting, but I pressed on.

After signing in I sat down in the waiting room.  I was about 45 minutes early, but was told I probably wouldn’t make it into the office to give my samples until my appointment time.  Lovely.  Now realize I really wanted to make sure I could pee enough to fill the cup so I had been drinking a lot of water all morning!  I really had to go!  I can’t go though, because I have to save it to pee in the cup when it’s my turn!  So I sat there trying to cross my legs for about 50 minutes.

Sitting in this waiting room was like sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room.  Everyone there pretends to be sick and dying and they all need to get in right away!  One guy is mad because he doesn’t have an appointment, but he needs his drug test finished by the end of the day!  They’d better take him right now!  He’s so important!  The people at the office seem to care as much about him and his importance as I do.  Take a seat and wait your turn.

“Excuse me, where’s the bathroom?”

I want to say that soooo bad, but I can’t!  I have to WAIT!  Most of the people in the waiting area are also staring at their cell phones.  One nearby man has some headphones, but decides not to use them.  He’s watching something with explosions and turns the volume on his phone way up.  Maybe he’s part deaf?  I don’t know.  Maybe now I’m not part deaf from listening to the crap come out of his phone?  I don’t know, but I STILL HAVE TO PEE!

Finally I’m called back.  I go back with this nice lady and she introduces herself.  She asks me whether I’d like to do the blood or urine sample first.  I’d rather get the blood done first.  That hurts, but I can easily pee all over everything with no pain at all.  And so she quickly sets everything up.  She was very nice and professional!  I was quite impressed with her.  She was fast without rushing me.  She easily slips the needle into my arm and I barely felt it!  That was great!  Usually it hurt like hell when I’ve had that done.  No blood was going into the vial, though.  She said my veins were deep down, so she had to wiggle the needle a bit.  There was the pain I knew!  That hurt like hell, but only for a second or two.  The vial filled with blood and then I had a nice cotton gauze taped to my arm.  Now the urine sample.  This turned out to be more difficult than the blood sample.

She tells me the doctor wants my “equipment” washed with soap before I give the sample.  I then have to dry it carefully and clean it off with a towlette she gives me because there can’t be any soap in the sample!  Soap in the sample is a huge no-no!  And so I go into the bathroom and get ready to wash my “equipment” with some soap.

Now the difficulty begins.  The sink is about a foot and a half taller than my “equipment”.  How the hell am I supposed to wash it when I can’t even get it in, or really near the sink?  What the hell am I supposed to do?  Finally, I just get a bit of soap on my fingers and try to reach down and not make too much of a mess.  This is while still holding the sample cup.  My pants want to fall down, but I for some reason don’t want them around my ankles.  I do the best I can with washing off my tip.  I’m not sure how to dry my hands while still holding this sample cup, so I just open the towlette and try to clean myself the best I can.

Now keep in mind, my body realizes I’m in a bathroom and have pulled my pants down.  It’ takes every last little bit of self-control I have not to pee all over the floor while I’m washing the “equipment”.  For crying out loud, why was this so hard?  Ok, I’m finally ready to fill the cup.  I go over to the toilet and start to go.  I shove the sample cup under the stream.  For a split second the stream is disturbed and some of it goes on the floor.  Shit.  I’m peeing like mad too and the cup fills up quite quickly.  I don’t want to over fill it, so after it’s filled a bit, I pulled it away.  I’m still holding my pants up trying not to let them slip down around my ankles.  Is the cup full enough?  Maybe not?  I don’t know how much they need.  Maybe they need it full right to the brim?  I shove the cup under the stream again and fill it up more.  Now I’m wondering if I’ve filled it up too much.

Finally I finished and screwed the top back on to the sample bottle.  It is full almost to the top.  I’m hoping I didn’t get a whole lot of pee on the outside of the cup.  Now there’s a bit of pee on the cup, on my hands, and on the floor, the toilet, pretty much all over.  I wonder who cleans that bathroom.  Oh well, I pull my pants back up and set the cup down on the sink so I can wash my hands.  I’m guessing that some of the urine on the cup is now on the sink. 

I quickly placed my sample where I was told to place it when I was finished and headed out on my way really glad that was finally over with.  So why did I pee in a cup?  Because the doctor wanted it.  Hopefully I’m healthy and don’t need to do this again for a few years.  Until next week, keep asking why.  And I hope that bathroom wasn’t too difficult to clean.